i was rollin on her like bob the builder
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
