Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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