i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just googled if crying burns calories
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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