so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
