Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Swine flu is the new snow day.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
