i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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