it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
