i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
