y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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