I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
