hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I need to stop coming to work sober
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
