Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
