i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
