i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
