? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
