Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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