But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
