Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
