My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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