Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
