just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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