we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
