Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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