If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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