Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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