And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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