glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
