i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
