Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
