she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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