I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
