Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(865): View more from Tennessee

And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.

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(630): View more from Illinois

That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.

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(206): View more from Washington

And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

I feel like everything in this room is sweating

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(251): View more from Alabama

Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.

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(941): View more from Florida

Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.

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(256): View more from Alabama

Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night

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