And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
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