Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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