dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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