Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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