That's intense
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
