Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
