I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
