I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
