So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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