Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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