the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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