yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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