im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
