i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
