I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
