I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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