Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
