Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
